Well, let’s start that post by saying this: It’s my 16th birthday today! And also… I really don’t know how to feel about it. I always thought I would post a cheerful selfie on Instagram with caption: “Sweet sixteen!”. But I just don’t feel so cheerful as some would expect me to be on this day. Instead of that I am just surrounded with a lot of thoughts about my birthday. Fact is that I’m still the same person, only number counting years of our existence changes. And exactly this numbers makes me realize so many things, which make my birthday, well… not-my-favourite-day of the year. For me (and maybe some other people) birthdays are every year reminder of how fast time goes by, sometimes finding it very disturbing.
Let me put it this way. I know I’m young girl with a lot of chances, new daring adventures, unknown things to discovered ahead of me and I couldn’t be more happy for that. But often I feel like I’m wasting my time and missing chances. I’m in constant belief, I’m very old and by now I should know more things, and also that I didn’t do anything useful. Sometimes I just can’t see myself clear in the future. It’s blurred like the worst picture taken with my phone and it’s unclear like a dusty car window.
I remember one time, years ago; we’re celebrating my cousin’s 16th birthday. I was just a little girl back then and I was looking at my cousin and thought, when you’re sixteen, you’re all grown up, independent and so. And it also felt like this birthday is so far away from me almost unreachable. It felt so unreal or rather, hard to imagine at that point. I was careless, had no worries, thinking I would be forever that little, skinny girl. This is the opposite of how I feel now.
Each birthday is just another day, when I look back and see how my time was left unused, thinking I could do so much more. But then again I’m often left with everybody saying: “There will be time for you to do that” or something like “You’re too young to know/understand that”. And maybe they are right sometimes. But call me impatient; my only wish now is to learn more, to know more. How to do with money, do your own business, make a change among people, learn how to code, create a successful project, organise a group of people, a brand. Knowing I got so much to learn, and feeling how time just passed by makes me stressed. I guess I’m impatient and the only thing I have to learn right now is to take one step at the time.
Well, well. Looks like we have some birthday resolutions going on. If I succeed at this one, beautiful things are guaranteed. But this one might turn out to be very difficult. Let’s do it for ….mhm… LET’S DO IT FOR OURSELF.
But for now I’m going to enjoy the moment and stay clear out of my minds. They are super complicated.
Spread love, Maja!
Photos by Urša Uhan
Total outfit s.Oliver